Stylish, Stealthy & Healthy.


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The Worst Airplane Seat Neighbors

Hi blog friends! I missed your faces so I thought I’d pop in for a quickie. (Insert immature giggle).

Not much new in Jess World, just the usual. I had a little break from traveling but I’m back at it again, and this time we’re headed to the great state of North Dakota! I’m not going to lie, I’m actually kind of excited to go to Fargo, just not near any wood chippers.

Oh hi, Steve.

Last week was the first time I’ve ever flown in to and out of a city all in one day, and it was something special. It actually kind of blows my mind that you can be 3 large states away that quickly and back in your own bed that same night. (And in case you were wondering, 4 is the number of flights in one day that equals too many.) As I was sitting on my fourth and final flight of the day, blasting John Mayer into my ear holes in an unsuccessful attempt to drown out the bloody-murder screaming of the small infant seated in front of me, I started to compile a list. This list was inspired by my constant state of losing the airplane seat lottery. No really, like every single time.  And when I’m really lucky, they get progressively worse throughout the trip so that my very last nerve is worn by the last of the offenders. And just to be clear, no, I don’t think I’m the “perfect passenger”. For example, I have a bladder the size of a pea, so God help you if I’m not in the aisle seat. Also sometimes I fall asleep and am pretty sure I drool on myself while I’m not doing the head-jerk move that happens when you pass out sitting up. Also I am constantly toggling back and forth between magazines, mobile devices and anything else that can keep my mind off of plummeting hundreds of thousands of feet from the sky.

So now that I’ve adequately belittled myself I can talk smack on everyone else, yes? Great. I present to you, my list of The Worst Airplane Seat Neighbors.

1.  People who wear too much cologne/perfume/Bengay. Just what exactly are you covering up?

2. People who don’t understand the boundary that is the arm rest. This is my dance space, this is your dance space…

3. People who eat really weird pungent food. I’m not eating this boring disgusting sandwich because I like boring disgusting sandwiches. It’s a respect thing, people.

4. People who talk very loudly and cavalierly about plane crashes and/or natural disasters when you are clearly already freaked the f out about floating through the sky. Where is that beverage cart?

5. People who want to talk to you past the initial polite small talk. I don’t care about your child’s proclivity for making bad decisions. Is your troubled kid here? Would he/she switch seats with you?

6. People who read over your shoulder. If you want to you know what the drama is between Kim and Beyonce and how JHud really lost the weight then you should have spent the $4.99 to find out for yourself. And don’t even THINK about helping me with the crossword puzzle.

And the absolute, very worst people…

7. The people who clap when the plane lands. (But also I do kind of want to kiss the pilot right on the mouth for getting me home safely.)

As much as I hate to stop on an odd number, I think I lost my vision temporarily after 40 minutes of screaming baby in the face. So that’s where I stopped.

Now please commiserate with me and tell me who you hate to sit next to! Isn’t judging fun?


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March Beauty Favorites

Remember when I used to post these, like, regularly? Also I made videos for a while… that was fun.  Not to say I won’t ever do that again, but frankly they take a metric crapton of time and a computer that is much faster than the one we have at home.

Alas I’m reinstating my beloved beauty favorites now that I’ve become reacquainted with blogging, so here you have it:

1 march beauty favorites

I tried to keep it pretty short, so I stuck with my top five.

2 march beauty favorites

1. Michael Todd True Organics // Knu Anti Aging Face Lift. Ok, so yes. This stuff is pretty expensive. In fact, it’s probably the most expensive face lotion I’ve ever owned. BUT… my mom gave it to me after she purchased it on Living Social and decided she didn’t like the smell. I, however, absolutely love it. In fact, I think I might have to get a second job so I can afford to re-purchase it when it runs out. My skin is really oily and very sensitive, so when I find something that works, I cling onto it for dear life. It goes on like whipped cream and is absolutely wonderful on the skin. They actually have a slew of other moisturizers that I might have to try before I buy this one (the moisture-lite is only $29, hello.) But if you’re an anti-aging freak like me and have a tendency to invest in skin products, I’d say give this one a try.

2. Real Techniques // Miracle Complexion Sponge. I was a die-hard Beauty Blender lover since the first time I tried it, and never thought I’d find another that I loved as much. Well I have. And it’s like.. a quarter of the price. This little gem is from my favorite brush line and costs a whopping $5.99! I know. I use mine for all over foundation application as well as just blending concealer under my powder foundation. It’s truly an amazing product. Buy it. Use it. Love it.

3.NYX // Butter GlossTHESE GLOSSES! Seriously. I bought a three pack at Ulta for like $4 a few months ago and haven’t looked back since. They add a beautiful wash of color without having to deal with the drama of lipstick and they last a pretty long time, too. I also really love the consistency of them and the smell. These are in the running with my beloved Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stains from Revlon, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I have every single color by the end of the summer.

NYX butter gloss swatches

Left to right: Apple Strudel (my favorite!), Cherry Pie, and Merengue. 

4. BUXOM // Full-On Lip Polish (in Jennifer) I’ve had a few of these guys throughout my life as a self-proclaimed lip gloss junkie (I think Katie was my favorite for about 3 years), but I’ve found a new name that I can’t live without. Her name is Jennifer. People actually call me Jennifer (or Jen) a lot, and I’m assuming it’s just because Jessica and Jennifer are like 90% of the names of girls born in 1982, but hey, whatever. This color is so absolutely gorgeous, and actually very much on trend with the whole “Orchid” pantone color of the year for 2014 thing. These glosses are tingly, minty and have a slight plumping effect. Or at least I feel like my lips are plumper after I put it on,and don’t we all just want to feel like Jessica Rabbit for a little?

buxom swatch in jennifer

5. It’s a 10 // Miracle Leave-In Product I actually got this as a sample in my Birchbox and immediately exclaimed it was the best sample I’d ever received. As someone who blow-dries, curls or straightens her hair pretty much daily, my poor tresses need some tender lovin. This stuff makes such a huge difference. They say it has 10 benefits (you can check the site if you really want to know them) but for me, the number one benefit is that my hair is so much less frizzy at the ends. I have now added water to this twice to get every last drippity-drop out of the bottle so I think it’s time to suck it up and buy a new one. Wah.

So those are my five this month, anything worth noting you’d like to share? A winning lottery ticket would be nice.


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Checking In

Hi friends, hope you all had great SPD weekends! (Yes I am that lazy.) I actually kind of forgot it was a national drinking holiday (oh don’t worry, I celebrated) and did pretty much nothing festive all weekend. I did, however, spend more time with children than usual (usual being zero amount of time), both Friday night at my bff’s house with her little man and then babysitting my nephew Saturday night.

Apparently babysitting is way harder than I remember it from when I was 13 yr old Jess and probably much too young to be responsible for the lives of small humans. Kids, like, need stuff… all the time. Don’t get me wrong, my nephew was pretty much an angel the whole time, but I am certainly not used to having to guard the microwave from small metal objects and chase someone up and down the stairs every 15 minutes (yay, Fitbit!). And can we talk for a hot second about kid’s shows? They are the WORST. I remember watching fun stuff like Muppet Babies and Rugrats. Who is this “Caillou” and why hasn’t he grown any hair yet at 4 years old?? Why is Dora making me shout things at the TV incessantly? I don’t understand!! At least Sesame Street is still a thing. (Right?)

But it actually was kind of fun for us to play house for a night and get a sneak preview of what our lives will be like if/when we have babies. Although waking up before 7 on a weekend just seems like a good reason to enjoy our non-parenthood while it lasts. Oh and obviously wine.

ecard

Once we returned to being child-free, we spent all day Sunday shirking actual responsibility, ignoring things like massive laundry piles and dog-hair tumbleweed skimming across the hardwood floors so we could finish season one of House of Cards. I know we’re a little late to the game but HOLY CRAP. Cannot even believe how much that show picks up in the second half, and how they kick off season 2. No spoilers, but we were sooo glad we kept watching.

I also wanted to mention that I finished reading “The Fault in Our Stars” last week and I hate to admit it.. But once again I feel kind of “meh” about it. I read a lot of rave reviews and since I’m a pop culture junkie I had to know what all the fuss was about. At first I actually did really like it. But as I kept reading I got a little bit fed up with the dialogue and how unrealistic it sounded (no offense to my beloved Dawson’s Creek). I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who hasn’t read it, so feel free to email me your thoughts if you want to discuss. Maybe I just need to stop reading books that get so much hype they’re destined to disappoint? In an effort to compensate for my two recent reading failures, I decided to go back and re-read a classic: Anne of Green Gables. It’s just as wonderful as I remember it. I’ve already highlighted like half the book (please tell me you guys do this too) and I think I need to re-watch the movies when I’m done. This could reach levels of Felicity obsession. You’ve been warned.

So that’s what’s been going on with me. What’s new with your faces??

 

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